first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize