You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
