everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
