i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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