I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
