you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
