Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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