cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
