My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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