Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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