this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
