apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
