i would punch a child for taco bell
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize