The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You're like the curious george of whores
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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