8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just cut my nipple shaving
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
