you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize