Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
