Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
