Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
