And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
