I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
