Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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