Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
