i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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