My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
