wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
