well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
