watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
