Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
