There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
