where am i from again
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
