guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
