ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
