You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
