I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
