there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
