:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
