And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My balls are so social today.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize