i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
