the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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