When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
