You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize