I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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