is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
please come you make the beer taste better
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
