Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
