Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize