Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize