Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
