just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize