we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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