i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
