A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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