direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
