I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
