Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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