Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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