well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize