She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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