I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
