I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
God I need to hump something, right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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