I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
