I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drunk is not a location!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
