I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
