I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
