I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
