if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
