i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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