I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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