You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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