I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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