Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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