70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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