if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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