I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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