and next time when you feel me up, do it right
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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