My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
