sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
