i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
