So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize