my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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