I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
