He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
