Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
