miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
