Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
