I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
