saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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