I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize