I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
