can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
