so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
