you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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