You're so nebulous sometimes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize