i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
